Behind the Camera: The Unauthorized Story of 'Three's Company' Review

Movie Tagline: An insider's look at the unfunny side of comedic success on network television.
Total Time Watched: 20 minutes

Well Mr. T you have sunk even lower into self-parody than I could ever imagine, as I sit here reveling in a drunken stupor you are slowly declining in to a slow ball of unidentifiable hack celebrity mush. Would the A-Team have stood by and watch this atrocity happen? The only conclusion I can come up with involves not heeding your own advice and not ‘Treating your Momma Right’.

The only way to recoup from late night infomercials Mr.T would be to have a four-way cage fight between Erik ‘D.A.R.E Face’ Estrada, Alan ’Most Believable’ Alda and that Scarf of a Lifetime that I found walking home.

The Dirty Dozen Review

Movie Tagline: Train them! Excite them! Arm them!...Then turn them loose on the Nazis!
Total time watched : 15 minutes

Well Channel Nine, I only had to wait five minutes before I actually found out the title of this film was 'The Dirty Dozen' and not 'Lets Fool Around with Guns and Green Uniforms' which could apply to most army movies from the seventies and some porn as well although I have a feeling the weapons might be different. So for this, Channel Nine you have exceeded my expectations thus far, bravo you are still the one.

Although at this point in time why do you have some of the worst advertisements known to man, for example in a fifteen minute period of time I was assaulted with this,

- something about fishing that had a soundtrack that was suspiciously like what I imagine fall out boy to be.
- Kelly from Hi-fi and the creation of an elaborate image to help fight against premature ejaculation (this may have been for a current affairs program)
- 63% of women aren't frustrated with climaxing

I guess when you don't have the big bucks you'll settle for the dirty dozen over say a biopic on Anna Nicole Smith.

Every time I happen to catch a guy with the MP hat much like in Dad's Army I have a feeling that it stands for Major Penetration as the guy that generally wears this hat is a scummiest of scum, in shorter terms he is a prick and makes the characters you happen to be interested in do the cruddiest of things. The fact that they happen to be criminals might not work in the dirty dozens hand in this situation. ......

I had one of those freaky psychic moments that I happen to develop every now and then, tonight it was in a random conversation which I had already had happen in my head at some stage with an Australian who was pretending to be from New Zealand. I have a feeling that my pyschic powers aren't 100% rad as yet. Only say 76% at best, as it's really the last 24% that you can perform wicked tricks at parties by guessing people names and whether they are left handed.

An alternative to this would having a bell and servent so I could break army regulations and go on a two week bender at dive bars whilst travelling back in time and doing my taxes in reverse.

As a word of advice don't fall asleep on the floor as you will have bible bashing television priest deja vu and nobody wants that.